I was buddies with this specific lady for a while. She dumped the woman sweetheart. We’ve been texting plenty â like 200 messages weekly. We keep getting mixed signals from their, and I love their. Should I go for it? But I don’t should destroy the friendship both. We also hang out, and I think she looks for myself in the halls.
-Ivan S. Bently (Kansas)
Hi, Ivan. Many thanks for trusting you with this crucial private concern.
There are a lot of options to describe what are you doing right here, but i’d like to provide my “take.” First and foremost, you say she’s sending blended signals, which probably implies this woman is baffled and not clear on exactly what she desires.
She could have feelings or expectations when it comes down to commitment she simply remaining, or she can be waiting for you to create an action. She might still be in the healing process, and she might not be ready to be viewed publicly with another man but.
Texting may be the woman method of speaking out and linking at this time while she finishes mentally disconnecting from her ex. She can also be confused if the woman friendship for you sometimes appears wants it’s growing into some thing larger, but she is uncertain any time you “like” like her.
As for you, Ivan, you’re in a really precarious place at this time. She actually is regarding the rebound and needs psychological assistance. She trusts both you and feels much better when she offers some messages or hangs out to you. She searches for you in the places because she likes you, in one way or another, that is certainly the place you need to be cautious. Should you decide place the relationship 1st above your own curiosity about dating this lady as a girlfriend, you’re in really serious likelihood of becoming directed towards “friend area,” which can be a hard place to escape from.
My personal guidance for you is to find alongside this lady and chat directly. It needs to be early in the day and smaller than a real day, however it offers a notion if she desires see you or not. Tell this lady she should get-out and simply take one hour to chuckle and savor herself while would really love the chance to consult with the girl in more level, too. Choose an area in which friends never go â perhaps a Starbucks anywhere â so she will feel as though her privacy is secured.
Ask this lady how she actually is doing whenever the woman is truly finished along with her ex. Pay extremely close attention to her body gestures. Is she leaning in your direction or away? Is she big-eyed and cheerful, or detached and innovative? Is actually she acting “girly” or like a buddy?
There’s something else you must do: Tell the girl in a really matter-of-fact manner in which you like the girl. Subsequently you should not say another term. She’s got to get the next someone to speak. Seem their squarely inside the sight so she can visit your strength plus sincerity. Boldly and confidently grasp her shoulder or arms. Just make sure she knows you are considering her in an enchanting man-woman kind of means.
Be powerful and kind but never mental or desperate. Create this lady like to come to you your caring and comfortable man you are and not for any nice kid that is “safe” and ordinary. Her genuine ideas and motives should reveal themselves once the conversation unfolds.